Vancouver is a very ’unique’ city, to say the least. If you’ve lived here long enough, chances are this list will resonate with you all too well. Aside from being costly, it’s extremely disconnected, but HEY – It’s one damn good-looking city and obviously, looks are all that matter. Welcome to Vancity.
21. If you have to go somewhere that involves going over a bridge, you just won’t
Vancouverites pick their areas very carefully and once you do, you never leave. You will walk all over downtown, from one end to the other, but never cross a bridge.
20. You think it’s normal to live in a shoebox for 1300$/month
NBD if you work 2 full-time jobs and some favors on the side.. Hey, cost with living in a world-class city, right?
19. You only eat kale, fried cauliflower and quinoa
The earthier the taste, the better it is for you, right? Plus, it jives with the yogis and helps with the hangover.
18. You stop saying hi to people
Greeting others is highly frowned upon. Don’t you dare smile at me and ask me how my day is going. It’s weird.
17. You avoid eye contact
Keep your eyes focused straight ahead. Eye contact may result in an invitation for someone to say “hi” to you, and who wants to do that??
16. You walk really fast when walking somewhere
We’re always in a rush to get somewhere. Even if we’re early. Probably because we’re trying to avoid human interaction and the foreigners trying to pick you up.
15. You get annoyed when people don’t have proper umbrella etiquette
It’s an actual thing. And it’s maddening when someone smacks you with their umbrella or gets it in your perfectly un-coiffed hair. If you don’t know, now you do and check this out.
14. You move to the middle of the intersection on a red or you’ll never get through the light
No one wants to be that asshole parked in the middle of the intersection while people flock around their car, but you will never get through the light at Burrard and Robson if you don’t. You know you’ve done it.
13. You come to expect that your friends will bail when something better comes up
To say Vancouverites are ‘flaky’ may be the biggest understatement. Commitment-phobes in every sense is what they are. Committing to plans doesn’t happen until the event already started and it seems worthy of your time.
12. You also become “cliquey” and don’t invite ‘outsiders’ into the group
This is one mother of a city to make friends in. Every new person knows that. So after all the effort it takes to finally become an insider, you aren’t going to jeopardize it by letting other outsiders crash it.
11. You go on dates just for the nice dinner (Hey, we know it’s not just us!)
That $1300 rent and going out with the girls and the shopping you had to do for “that event”, has now left you strapped. When a man comes along, offering dinner, who’s to say no? What’s the harm…he really wants the eye candy anyway, right?
10. Re-heeling your shoes every 2 months is normal
Parking in Vancouver sucks – the driving around, paying a small fortune – you’d rather walk. And then you do, on the cobble stones in Yaletown, and your shoes are f’d. On the regular.
9. You walk your dog on the seawall
Because everyone in Vancouver has one to fill the void of being disconnected and lonely in this cold city. And because you’re lonely and have no children, your dog becomes your family. And you only want the best for your family… and to be seen.
8. 90% of the nicest cars you see have an “N” (and you’re still dating that guy for a nice meal.)
Nothing is more painful than seeing Ferraris, Maseratis and Lambos ripping around the city like NBD with a giant N (new driver) sticker on the back. Thanks China for rubbing it in our faces that we’re broke.
7. You used to dress up when you went out, but now sneaks and lulus seem so much more practical
We walk a lot, sometimes we sweat, and everyone else is doing it so why should I make the effort?
6. You hate cyclists and bikelanes
You don’t know why, you just do…everyone else is doing it.
5. You’ve discovered the difference between a skunk smell and a weed smell
Weed is BC’s provincial flower. If you didn’t smoke week before, you probably do now…because you can. And if you don’t smoke weed, you’ve definitely been high from the second hand smoke every other block.
4. You never go to your friends houses and they never invite you to theirs because they’re boxes
Let’s have wine in your kitchen/living room/bedroom. This box is stuffy.
3. You hate the Canucks…unless they’re winning
We’re really good at jumping on the bandwagon when we’re winning. Losing..not so much.
2. Brunching on Sunday is a way of life
Sunday was created as the day of rest. Vancouver missed that memo. Sundays are now made for drinking off the hangover from Saturday..with a side of breakfast.
1. You’ve become ok with the fact you’ll be single for forever since there’s no one to date or settle down with.
Dating? In this city? Nawwww.. I’m good.